There are many times in our lives when we question why things happen. Sometimes we find the answers and sometimes the answers are beyond our grasp. When the answer is bigger than we are we may never understand it.
I think few things represent this more than the recent tragedy of Air France Flight 447. While this tragedy did not touch my life. I do not know anyone who was on the plane or anyone who lost someone on the plane. However it has touched me, and I have followed the story and kept the families in my prayers. I grew up with a father who was a pilot, so I'm no stranger to air travel. It's odd to me now, that growing up I never worried about any of my father's flights, partly because I knew what a brilliant pilot he was. It wasn't until 9-11 that I ever feared for him. That day was one of the longest days for me. Not knowing if he was in the air, possibly flying one of those planes, unable to contact him. I understand a small fraction of what those families feel waiting to find out. Luckily, I was able to reach my father that night and he was safe in London. (I'm also very glad that he is now retired and the worst thing I have to fear is him falling off something.) I'm sure the families of flight 447 are asking why. If you have followed the story, you know how many wonderful and brilliant people were lost on that flight. Some young and idealistic, who were going to change the world. Some older and wiser, whose knowledge could teach others so much. We can't help but ask WHY? While there is the obvious question of why the plane crashed, I'm talking about the more cerebral question of why those people, why at this time? Something most will never know the answer to. But I am one of those people that believes there is an answer, even if I nor anyone else ever knows what it is.
I believe in the bigger picture and I have faith that the things that happen are meant to be and serve a greater purpose. I often times get frustrated when I do not know what that purpose is. When things do not go the way I want them, or something tragic happens, I ask why and I get frustrated at the unfairness of it all. Like most, I see those who are seemingly happier and have never faced any tragedy or challenge and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm jealous and I ask "why me?" But then when I step away from the turmoil and look back often I can see the answer or what might be the reason. While it doesn't make me like what I or someone I care about suffered it gives me a sense of peace that there was a reason for it.
One of the best examples, is my dysfunctional family. My grandmother was a saintly woman. She was so kind, giving, soft spoken. She brought light into the lives of everyone she touched. She was also the glue that held our family together. When she became ill (many strokes, dementia, Alzheimer) out family fell apart. I lived far away when that happened, but I had many phone calls for various family members complaining about other family members. For awhile my grandmother went to live with my mom. My mother loved this. Mostly because she loved her mother dearly, but also in part because my mother is the type of woman who loves to be in control and take care of things. When my grandmother's condition got to the point where my mother could no longer do it on her own, she asked her brother and sister to help. Well, my aunt's and uncle, whom at the time I adored, said they were too busy with their own lives to take care of their mother for even one day a week. Their solution was to throw her in a nursing home, so they wouldn't have to be bothered. This then led to them selling all my grandmother's possessions which led to fighting amongst all of them. At one point my aunt even called and asked what I wanted. I was appalled and told her so, letting her know that my grandmother wasn't even dead and they were already fighting over what they could have. It made me sick. A year or so later that same aunt had a botched back surgery and was paralyzed. My mother rarely left her house except to see my grandmother and had pushed everyone but me out of her life, my uncle and his wife became my paralyzed aunt's jailer. I know this because I moved to town. Partly to run away from my unhappiness in my own life and partly because I thought I could make a difference, I could bring my family back together. I would go see my aunt at lunch and we would talk. Some about her frustration with the way her brother and his wife were treating her and withholding her meds unless she agreed to things they wanted and some about the strained relationship between my mother and her. On that I made progress. Sadly my aunt died a year later, but not before my mother and her had made peace. The following year my grandmother also passed away. It was then that the true extent of my uncle's greed came to light. Now my family has become much smaller, not in blood relations so much as in dis-owning each other. It is tragic and yet I know there are so many families out there just like mine and worse. I share this abbreviated version of the story because I know each and every event happened for a reason. My family didn't take those tragic events and see them as a catalyst for something good. Before all this started, I was dis-allusioned and wanted to move from High Point, but didn't know where I wanted to go or give up the security of a good job and my friends. If things had not fallen apart with my family and I had not made the mistake of falling in love with the wrong person and having my heart crushed, I would still be in High Point. Those events led me to move to Wilmington. My aunt's condition, while horrible could have been the catalyst to bring the family back together, only not everyone saw that as the "answer" to "why". My aunt's death was another tragedy that could have been the catalyst to bringing everyone back together, but everyone choose instead to hold on to their personal grudges. After my grandmother's death the rift became even bigger as my uncle's greed got even bigger and turned on younger family members. But out of that, I have an even closer relationship to my young cousin. A bond that is different than just a relative bond. I always adored her, and wanted to look out for her, but now she knows I'm always there. Had the family not hurt her, would we have been as close?
Had things not happened the way they did, I know my life would be completely different. Maybe in a good way, maybe in a bad way. I am not always happy with my life at a given moment and I still constantly ask "why", but I believe everything has happened for a reason and that whether I like it or not I'm on the path I'm supposed to be on. I don't beat myself up for the mistakes I make, and I don't live with regrets. I mess things up and make the wrong choices all the time, but without those moments I wouldn't learn and I wouldn't be the person I am today and will be tomorrow.
I don't think any of us deserves the tragedies that often befall us and those we love. I believe the bad things that happen are the universe balancing things out. That there is a bigger picture and while I do believe in karma, I think that there are times when so much bad is put out in the world, sometimes we all have to pay it back. And I believe that as much as we may not deserve the bad, we need the bad to appreciate the good.
It's human nature to question "why" and everyone has their own belief system, their own versions of God. I don't subscribe to any particular religion. I believe in God, that's enough for me. I don't believe he is a cruel, manipulative God like many religions portray him to be. I believe he is a loving God, who has given us the gift of choice, knowing often times we will make the wrong ones and set in motion events that will effect the lives of others, and that their choices will effect others, and so on. It is in our power how we react and choose to see these events. God will still be there regardless, to help us find the peace in it all.
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